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COMING SOON; IF I EVER GET RABIES YOU'RE ON MY BITING LIST- 100% COTTON T-SHIRT
$24.00 USD
Shipping calculated at checkout.
The genius of plausible deniability:
"What? I'm just being prepared! It's responsible planning!" This is a grudge with a footnote. A vendetta with an asterisk. Spite wrapped in hypotheticals.
Oh, you made The List. How special for you.
It's the kind of threat that says, "I love you (maybe), but also, you know what you did." Maybe you ate their leftovers. Maybe you spoiled a TV show. Maybe you just exist in a mildly annoying way. Whatever it is, they've thought about it. They've ranked you. They've made a LIST.
You know what's beautiful about this threat? The sheer audacity of the conditional. "IF I ever get rabies"—not when, IF—"you're high on my biting list." Not just ON the list. HIGH on it. You've earned a premium spot. Top tier placement. VIP access to my hypothetical foam-mouthed rampage.
It's the perfect passive-aggressive masterpiece.
Because what are you gonna do about it? Get mad? It's CONDITIONAL. The odds are statistically negligible. But the message? Crystal clear. "I'm not saying I'm gonna bite you. I'm just saying that in the extremely unlikely event that I contract a rare viral disease, you're first in line."
Details:
- 100% soft cotton (for maximum comfort while plotting)
- Unisex fit (conditional threats are gender-neutral)
- Vintage-inspired design with dancing cowboy raccoon
- Available in multiple colors (match your pettiness to your palette)
- Durable print that lasts longer than your grudges (barely)
- Perfect for: warning frenemies, establishing boundaries, raccoon enthusiasts
- Care: Machine wash cold inside out, tumble dry low, iron on cool if needed
Handmade by Shittay Day Designs. Features art by DolphinPixel.